Today marks the 4th year of her absence. How time flies so fast but I still come home expecting her to be in her room waiting for my return even if it's not from school. Even if I've grown up to come home only during semester breaks, I still come home expecting her presence on her bed sewing pieces of cloth to make quilts.
Now she's always a topic of our conversations between cousins and how much we miss her. It would always fills tears in our eyes, her loss and how she would not be there to tell us things we most of the time would not want to hear.
Her uncountable nyonya kebayas will still be in her room together with many pieces of batik sarongs she always preserves. She always says that it will be pringatan, memories of her. Yes they are.
I miss her cooking, her voice her wrinkled skin when I touch them. How her feet is bridged on one side due to accidents in her younger days making her not able to wear beautiful heels she always wants. How she would tell the kampung people that she always has to go back to Kuching to take care of her two granddaughters who are still so young despite we were already old enough to leave home.
She really was a strong lady inside and the most beautiful on the outside. How she would tell her granddaughters to dress up nicely and to be pretty no matter in what situation. She would buy us dresses on her vacations and play dress up with us with mummys jewelery. She molded all her seven children to become professionals and to be responsible with a heart of gold. She was one amazing women.
The memories of how I cried so much during her passing and could still remember it vividly. How she suffered so much from cancer, how she would not let me touch her skin after her visit from chemo. How she so much disliked it that she has to breath oxygen through tubes saying that they hurt. How her body became weak day by day and she lost so much weight.
Every year when it comes to this day, I would have dreams of her, how she's always by my side. I still wake up to cry in the early mornings when I dream of her.
Tayung, aku masih lagi nitih akam.
2 comments:
yayau..i miss tayung too :(
wish she was at my wedding, and wish she would be there when i have kids and give them the same advice she gave me... i missed so many things about her. life's a bit empty now. so i guess, we should cherish whatever we have before we lose them.
ajel
so sedih kan? all those little things we used to get annoyed at. now they r just memories.. n theres no 1 to look foward to at home. just an empty house =(
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