Take my doubts away

You're with me through it all =)

One Call Away...

I called mummy a few hours ago. I used Low Rate Voip.

You have to be a member, pay a fee for your credits and you'll have a certain amount of free talktime (if the line you're calling is free). You can check it in the rates tab at the webpage. For a Malaysian Handphone number, it's free. Still depending on your talktime.

Since I've been here, I've been using Voip to call home because I usually calling my mums hanphone. I usually topup my Voip once in two months after my credits are finishes. Usually I get the 10euro credit. Including other charges, it's 12euro.

But today after I knew my Homezone number (yes, after a year. Thay's because my mum wanted to try out iTalk), I've found something else.

This is Nonoh.net

Using nonoh.net, you get the same thing as Voip. Bust that if you're calling from your landline (my homezone) to your house number (not a Malaysian Handphone), it's free!! (depends on your talktime left).

As applied to Voip, Nonoh also has to have its credits to call out. You have to be a member than buy some credits using your paypal account or credit card. Rates for Malaysian handphone is 0.010 cents euro compared to 0.015 cents for Voip. Much cheaper. And what I can say I like about Nonoh is that I don't have to sit in front of the computer to call. I call talk on my hp (Homezone number) and be in the kitchen or the toilet.

Maybe I should switch to Nonoh.. Both rate I use and call is free (Germany Homezone and Malaysian Landline). I don't know yet. I'm not sure how much is the rate for nonoh after my talktime is finished. Hopefully cheaper than voip.

Anyway for those who are away from home, maybe you should try this. =)

Chocolate cake cravings.. emmm... nyum!

Yesterday evening, I was browsing through baking recipes (I always do that when I`m bored). Then suddenly I had this huge craving for Secret Recipes Chocolate Indulgence.. Woho could say no to that (though I'm not as much of a cake lover myself). But just suddenly.. arghh.. I want a piece.

So, instead of dreaming my chocolate cake away, I remmaged thhrough my cabinet looking for ingredients for a chocolate cake. LOL. Yes I have everything I need in my room to bake a cake at any second of the day.

I did'nt have milk. I'm not a big fan of milk... so I had to search for a recipe that did not require it.

While listening to Christmas Lounge Music, I was in the kitchen baking my cupcake. Left it for quite a while to chat with Changi to make it burn =(.. So as usualy me and my top of the cake scraping. It still tasted like chocolate cake though. Just nothing compared to hocolate indulgence. I even made icing. haha. I've alwys had fears of icing due to Taka bakery bright ugly nasty tsting butter icing. But hey, my butter and icing sugar turned out quite well.. *bangga*


*I follow Priscs technique of putting mayo into the batter. It makes the result more fully and yummy.. =)

An Apple a Day...

... will never keep the doctor away. So does rendang and curry, be it salad or durians. Humans will always have a time i life when they will meet up with those hardworking 7 years of studying doctors.

Well, I did today.

Me meeting the doctor is never unusual. It's almost like a routine I do not want to be abided to. So my sickness? I've always had various kinds of sickness. It all started from the baby who does not want to drink milk.

Nope it was not migraine. Though I've had it several times. The culprit of my ferocious bad ass headache is my stress! I could not believe it. And I hate that fact!! No wonder my neck hurts so much till my jaws hurt. It was those still muscle that gave everything away.

So the usual 'don't get so stressed' and 'go and do some exercise' was told. Not forgetting a prescription for medication. Than there was the 'if these do not work, I'll prescribe you to a neuron specialist'.. ok silence. This was not the first time I've heard it from a doctor. A neuron specialist... scary right. Anyway I also had prescription to go and get a message to relax my muscles. I've always had fears of going for a message because it looks so painful and Mummy will be telling me stories that her messeur presses her nerves till it hurts. I don't liek to be hurt.. =(

So look what I got from the pharmacy after the purchase of my medication?

A bottle of wine =)
I am serious. I too was surprised. The pharmacist lady told me it's a Christmas present. So OK!

Apakah salahku??

Saya menulis post ini dalam Bahasa Malaysia sebab in case org putih membacanya.

Kita dilahirkan manjadi warga Malaysia menjadi penduduk benua Asia. Tapi apakah kesalah kita menjadi seorang Asian? Kita memang dilahirkan begitu. So, bermulalah ceritaku ini yang mengisahkan hidup aku sebagai bukan sahaja org Malaysia di negara omputih tetapi juga gadis berambut hitam, yang secara umumnya dilabelkan org Asia oleh omputih.

Sebagai warganegara Malysia, kita dididik dan diajar untuk menghormati orang lain tidak kira rupe, ada mata ke tidak, warna kulit dan warna-warna rambut (walaupun di Malaysia semua orang berlainan agama dan secara racistnya, berlainan kaum).

Tetapi di negara omputih, mereka memandang agak rendah level kita sebagai makhluk dunia. Oleh kerana itu, kita selalu dimaki. Beratus tahun dahulu mereka datang menyeksa kita dan membunuh nenek moyang kita. Tetapi kita masih mengatakan yang terbaik terhadap mereka. Ini bukan sahaja di Malaysia, malah di semua negera di benua Asia. Di China, Filipina dan lain-lain.

Di Malaysia, sebaliknya pulak. Sesiapa yang ada kawan yang berkulit putih atau berkahwin dengan orang berkulit putih, kita mengagung-agungkan kewujudan mereka. Pelik bukan?

Pada hari ini, saya duduk di kelas di kalangan budak-budak omputih. Dua budak Jerman di tepi saya tengah berborak-borak dan saya bepusing ke arah pintu (dan menghadap budak itu secara tidak langsung). Tiba-tiba budak laki tepi saya memandang saya dan berkata ''Scheiß Asien'' (taik betul orang asia dalam kata lain, Shit Asians).

W.T.F

Apakah tindakan dan perasaan anda jika anda berada di tempat saya?

Dengan itu, saya mengakhiri post blog ini dengan persoalan,
kenapa kita selalu memandang tinggi orang yang memijak-mijak kepala kita dan melayan kita lagi teruk dri anjing mahal mereka?

Omputih ni kulit je putih, otak cam haram perangai cam sial.

Terima kasih.

Counting counting... and still..

How many of you have found yourselves counting days in the calender at anytime of the day? It's sickening right? It makes my head wanna burst but I still do it. Annoying. It's not like my head has not enough things to detain till the next few months. Wait, it's next month. And to day is officialy the 1st of December. Please burn my calender to avoid me from counting. I have better things to count.

My head hurts like nobodys business. I hate it that it's getting cold, that winter is already present and I have to wear heaps of clothes before I could survive the cold. And you know what I hate about the cold? Its that I have to wear thick warm clothes to go out but when I enter the building, I start to sweat. Arghh... That's why I relly hate shopping during winter. It's almost -3degress outside and when you enter the shops, it's a warm 27degrees or so. In out in out.. Saya rasa macam ikan berenang-renang dalam air suam. Ok, no point there. haha.. I always use that anyway when I'm in that fishy situation.

Fw days ago, I felt like my jaw was going to fall off because I have a feeling that I dislocated it while sleeping.. Ok it hurts. But now my head hurts. I think I'm stressed. For the first time after I left school, a big pimple pop-ed right out of my forehead. Brings me back to my school days where big huge pimples are trademarks. Adolescents. Exams are a few weeks away so that means... *give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning, give me oil in my lamp I pray.. keep me burning till the break of day*. Too bad sunday school days did not require us to burn till the break of day. Good times those days. Anyway, end of January.. How many papers? That's my secret.

After all the internet I doing work with, I've gotten bored of it. Yeap. That's why I post regularly than I used to. Facebook is no longer my best friend now. It turned cold towards me. SO, I don't wanna be its friend. So say bye-bye Airline Manager stockholders and fishes that turn sick after eating algae. I'm still there though.

I should be studying!! But before that, I'll show you my handphone turned bottle opener which still did not open the bottle.

I can imagine what you would say... Changi and Felicia can go first. hahaa... Write what you have to say about my handphone. I was really thirsty!! Look how much sugar consumption I have during my stress period. I rarely drink coke or anything in its brotherhood...

See, I'm still not gone yet. But I really had a vision last night, that God put a really red bold DO NOT DOUBT on my desktop screen. So I will not doubt. And I stared my day aspiring to be Ruth the Moabite woman who left her home to be in a foreign land =) God is still with me..

ciao~ now, it won't be long till I'm back

November Smells of Lavender

Kinda lame huh? haha.. Changi will say, ishh so lame.. labek.. I've forgotten where the roots of labek came from. I think it was from Gail and Attan but thats soo.. 10 years ago.. Well we humans always come up with new silly words to describe the undescribable. Words like gai, poyo, podol.. we don't have to dig into the Bidayuh dictionary because suprisingly, they have more words to describe any situation than English, Malay or German. Things like dukek dungeng.. translate that please.. It gives a whole new prespective of vulgarity.

Ok anyways, I'm suppose to end my study break now. Since I've re-templated my blog.. might as well do a post.

So how do you like it? I was getting bored of the last one cos the font colors reli sucked. And mummy always has to look closely to read. So I've changed it. Yay!! Maybe some of my last posts are not color re-edited, but just highlitght to read it.

I'll just post up some pics of happenings this week.. =)
It was Haziqs 20th borthday and he dediced to bring us all out for dinner in the Asian restaurant. Being a student does'nt have to mean that you're always broke.. We just turned rich compared to the last 24 hours. =D

All 13 Landshutters..

Happy 20th Birthday Haziq..

Thanks for the great dinner.

Students Riot

On the morning of the 24th of November

Students Demo for the sake of free Education... Somthing we won't even think of in Malaysia, for the frae of meringkuk dalam penjara. ISA will come get you!! Thats not worth free education. Thats a waste of life.

So for 400euros per semester... they are willing to fight till it goes down to zero.
It was raining, but that did not stop them. Armed with posters and beers... they were even escorted by the police to the Government office to continue the demo there.

Not a clear one, it wrote, Bachelor + Master, Big desaster..
This was place a week before, occupied the whole board
Tada.. right in front of my window.

Ideas are free, wo can pay it...
If thats the case, I'm sure everything in this world is free and we work for free. The world turns because we have to pay ideas ok.. Bill Gates idea is worth a million trillion and we still pay.

The Many IFs of Life

We've all been in this deep sea of uncountable ifs. The situation where we do not expect ourselves to be in, be on and about or even close to. But that's why we have if in the first place. To keep us dreaming in a dream of dreams out and far from our un-satisfaction of life...

If I was born rich, I won't have to study
If I was a boy, I'd be much happier
If I won the 4million Euro Lotto, I'll be in paradise

If only I was prettier, or famous
... I own a Jet
... I met the President of the US
... I traveled the world
... I choose a diffrent path in life
... I have friends that won't go
... I had the fountain of youth
... the trees in my garden grew cash according to the strongest currency
If only I had everything

IF ONLY LIFE WAS'NT THIS HARD
Maybe I won't be asking questions to bail myself out of life.

But than again, maybe it is better that I be myself. There must be a purpose right? Somewhere along the road, how I got this far.. How I have lived 21 years of my life. When I'm 60, I would surprise myself that I'm still alive.. Tadaa!! terkejut looking at the mirror. Still, I don't want to be the old man in the movie UP which gave me a teary eye. Alone and sad, many unacheivable ifs, with my Book of Adventure. It was so sad...

Yeah, so what if I always have an excuse for everyting.. It's my daily brain jog... and now its so tired. I'm writing this to cheer myself up after all thats done today, which bear no fruits.

So keep your ifs running..
Mine for today is if I'm a Malaysian student in Malaysia, I would be having dinner outside the norm of my lonely room!! Hainanese Chicken Rice anyone? I'm currentls having sardine with vege as my only option...

Sweet Tooth and Christmas Chocolates

So Christmas here means....

...Winter
...Snow
...Shopping
...Santa
... Pretty Decoratons and Lights
and not forgetting, the most yummy

CHOCOLATES

Its like everywhere!!! At this time of the year, all chocolate and candy manufacturers boosts up there economy in the Chocolate Factory by producing pretty, tempting, chocolaty and sweet Seasonal merchandise... Be it Ferrero, Haribo, Kinder or Lindt. Every brand has their own santa designs.

Football even took its place in the heart of the tooth fairy.. a Bayern Munich Advents Calender.
Its hard not to grab one thats begging you to take it home.

Look at mine.. I accidantly crushed poor 3rd santa cos it was lingering on my floor.. I was too busy for lamb Biryani to clear my room. It was a wreck!
So 3rd santa became broken and flat.. result of my consumption.. *ngamp.ngoumph.ngum* hope its not a few kgs up.

Eh wait, I still have another photo.. for those who have not heard of my kemajuan in technology.. admitting I´m a noob.. meet my new room mate which speaks full Deutsch and has eyes that almost got me juling-ed
Mummy, my new a-month-old PC

Falling Leaves on th Ground

Say hello to the winds of autumn.. =)


Times flies real fast rite? Its so obvious here because time is measured by the changing season. Just a year ago, I could not believe that I´m here and now again its my second autumn. Hope that this season will bring me my winds of change.

Winter is expected to arrive soon enough that soon is almost next week. So get your socks ready for the end of the year!!

What have you achieved this year?

Suicide does not help, Love does.. to Write Love on Her Arms

Today is to write love on her arms day, as a lot of people do not know. So what is to write love on her arms? With its long name, its an organisation to help people who are depressed and suicidal, also those in need of love.

Why do I strongly support this movement and how did I get to know about it? I´ll tell you my story.

About a few months ago, a friend of mine asked me if I could order a t-shirt of this movement for him. I was curious about what it was. At first I thought it was a band of some kind. Than a story was told. It´s a movement to help stop (or decrease) the numbers of those who are suicidal or depressed in our world today. In this ever so fast moving millenium, people are more materialistic and yearn for power rather than being human and have a basis of being human such as loving one another. People struggle, keep quiet and not tell, no connections to the outside human world and deep inside, they are bleeding for who knows what reason. Feeling unloved, rejected, as of a failure to the human race. Than its thier last call... to end everything that is and was. Suicide happens.

So my story today is how my life and this movement goes on the same track...

I was young, a happy child with a family. A mother, a father and a sister. I´ve always thought things are going to always stay that way. A loving family, but with deeps secrets untold. A father who keeps things his way, so does his dark secrets. He was always out without notice and in the early 90´s cellphones was far from popular. In and out, until a day when I never saw him. The last was in a black suite in his dearly wooden home. What would a 5 year old like me know about life and death. Nothing. I was taken out of my kindergarten class to my fathers village where I could´nt count the days that I´ve stayed there. But in my fathers village, he was not in sight. It was more of a festival where all the village people came to give their condolences and I was running happily playing with my cousins. The innocence of a child. The unknown meaning of adults in tears. It only came to me when my uncle was screaming questioning God why his brother had to be gone forever. The first time I shed tears for my late father.

I occured to me that my father was not with us now. Not that I ever knew why or how. During my younger years, me and my sister would rummage old documents to find out the real reason why he went away. We found a report about heart failure. Our conclusion, he died of to much heavy smoking. At the age of 16, i needed proof of death of my father for me to apply a schlorship. My mother went to the bank safe to take it out. I faced reality at that time. It read, suicidal death by drinking pesticede. Of all this years, I never really knew what happened. Now its so real that what I watch in homocide movies could turn out alive. And in my own home.

Life was never easy. We have all struggled at some point, who hasnt. But suicide is not a key to happiness. It is an act of selfishness. Two young children and a single mother. Not forgetting my fathers mounting depths. We hardly had anything to hold onto but faith. I could have given up, my sister and mother could have done the same. But what would it bring us to? More pain and more suffering to those left behind. Like what happened to my family. Its not a smooth road but hey, I´m still here and in flesh. Times I would question if my life could me any different, what positive or maybe negative effects it would bring. Sometimes thinking, maybe suicidal was in my blood and no one could blame me if I did it. All evil would suggest me to do as such, but the stregth of love from people who love me was more than enough to sustain me from such an act. Not forgetting the love of my God that He will always be there for me through all circumstances.

So that was my story, not much but just a preview of what effects suicide has on the victims family. Its not cool to slice up your arms and scarr them up. Ten years down the road, you´ll know how much stupidness you put into it. Suicide and depression is not an "emo" issue nor is it a hollywood screen act. It´s an individual act of suffering and an untold dark story. You never know who is going to take their own life next. The person beside you may look happy today but gone tomorrow.


Love more and lend an ear, also a hand to those around you. You never know you might save a life from the gates of hell.

Read more about the movement at http://www.twloha.com

The All-American Rejects Live in Muenchen

Theater Fabrik on the 24th October year 2009...
The All-American Rejects performed in Muenchen in accordance to their Europe Tour.

While I was back home, they performed during MTV World Stage and thats not only their performance in Malaysia. They did two shows if I'm not mistaken while I'm back home. I did not have the chance to attend any of it. But i guess being in Muenchen was way better. They probably were more open and said stuff they could not in Malaysia.. ngehehee..

Not to forget is that we got to see the so clearly that it almost feels personal. We were on the 1st row next to their equipments.. I was freakingly happy after a wait for more than an hour. They had 2 opening acts.So how does it feel like watching them perform so super close? More than amazing, its almost enchanting..

This band may look young and fun but most of their songs gave me hope for the better. I remember telling Tayung the meaning of the song Move Along was when she was so sick. Telling her that though her condition was bad, she had to move along with her life, to fight cancer, to always be with us. That was one of the last times I've spent with her before she left us. When the band opened with this song, it just hit me that what I've told her was what I should actually do in my own life.

To move along when everything is wrong. Tomorrow is still another day to live.

My Love, My Kuching

Its been a month since i left Kuching after my last summer break. I'll tell you one thing. Nowhere else beats my hometown, not even living in a foreign land. I can't tell if i'm home sick or not. its just another feeling that makes me think that home is always where my heart is, no matter how far or how strong my financial stability is...

Kuching is just plain old Kuching, but the fact that you can't get it anywhere else makes you love it more. Yes, it may not have a handfull of glorious shopping malls, nor does the road expands itself widely in all directions. We Kuching-ites love it plain simple cos as my best friend says, a simple life is a happy life. That is very true.

And why I miss Kuching now is because during my 2 months break, I got to learn something new. Due to the pursuation of my sister and how she dances, I got hooked to belly dancing which is so super extremely cool! if only there were belly dancing classes in Landshut itself insted of going all the way down to muenchen. We here do not have the freedom of semester tickets like those in Hessen.

Most of the time spend at home was 'at home'. I woke up, cooked, watch tv, clean, wash clothes, makes me feel like a house wife. If only I had a rich husband.. if only.. I even had to baby-sit every Thursday when my cousins don't have their babysitter on-call. So spending my time, I made them make pineapple tarts with me.

On my wish-lists of recipes, I spent time baking cheesecakes and once, make apple pie which the crust really sucks and just crumbles. Well, i am a first timer. I have never baked in the comforts of my own home kitchen. Last I did it, I burnt my sister cakes. How should I know that it was a grill button??

I've hardly tasted Ayam Penyet before. Some might go "what??", LOL. Ok. So mummy brought us for dinner at The Baruk. its a dining place across the Sarawak River with the Baruk House concept. the Baruk is a Bidayuh traditional house. nope, its not owned by a Bidayuh but a Malay. Bidayuhs won't survive business. but anyway, I got my Ayam Penyet. Nyum... but a better Ayam Penyet will be next to the town Mosque as recomemded by a hardcore fan who is Rabiaal. Having dinner across the river, we could not waste the scenary of Kuching Waterfront. We even saw a fisherman cathing fish.. so homely the feeling..



One Saturday, Mummy brought us for a make-up session in Aunty Junes house. It was so cool cos we got to play with all the makeup, which was from Bloop de Paris. Like a kindergarten coloring session! wee~~ so cool right? they thought us how to apply makeup and stuff.. Im still a noob at this, cos in my perception, engineers don't need all that. But than again, who does'nt want to look pretty?

Of course there were also times I went out with friends and had our life talks. We had dinner and karaoke, we had our club sessions, drinking sessions, beach-out times and badminton!! Me, Eli n Freda decided to meet up for dinner but Eli has badminton after that. So i decided that we go follow her. And Freda sat there the whole time laughing at me play!! Bad Freda. So I will conclude that next time, I'll go play badminton alone with Eli and leave Freda to eat at Jln Song. The thing about us being Malaysians is that our meet-ups always has to inculde food!! We Malaysians are Food Junkies! We also had a mini class reunion dinner which only about 10 of us turned up. Glad you girls did!! I really miss my highschool moments!

My Sister and her friendsReunion dinner at Topspot

This is the Santubong Beach, which we transpassed the resort to get in.. quite sucluded but its so pretty!! Not forgetting hot in the blazing sun! We just sat around to have lunch. No one went for a swim.

felix's stolen mariachi hat

And lets not forget my family time!! We had a BBQ at Sg Adis which is in Bau. A reserved place where you can even have a place to stay overnight. A real autenthic bidayuh setting. They have rafts and big tyres for you to play in the river with. Its rm2 per person I think.. The place really looks like some Sarawak Tourism setting..

Nice right?

And that's why Kuching will always be my home..