November Smells of Lavender

Kinda lame huh? haha.. Changi will say, ishh so lame.. labek.. I've forgotten where the roots of labek came from. I think it was from Gail and Attan but thats soo.. 10 years ago.. Well we humans always come up with new silly words to describe the undescribable. Words like gai, poyo, podol.. we don't have to dig into the Bidayuh dictionary because suprisingly, they have more words to describe any situation than English, Malay or German. Things like dukek dungeng.. translate that please.. It gives a whole new prespective of vulgarity.

Ok anyways, I'm suppose to end my study break now. Since I've re-templated my blog.. might as well do a post.

So how do you like it? I was getting bored of the last one cos the font colors reli sucked. And mummy always has to look closely to read. So I've changed it. Yay!! Maybe some of my last posts are not color re-edited, but just highlitght to read it.

I'll just post up some pics of happenings this week.. =)
It was Haziqs 20th borthday and he dediced to bring us all out for dinner in the Asian restaurant. Being a student does'nt have to mean that you're always broke.. We just turned rich compared to the last 24 hours. =D

All 13 Landshutters..

Happy 20th Birthday Haziq..

Thanks for the great dinner.

Students Riot

On the morning of the 24th of November

Students Demo for the sake of free Education... Somthing we won't even think of in Malaysia, for the frae of meringkuk dalam penjara. ISA will come get you!! Thats not worth free education. Thats a waste of life.

So for 400euros per semester... they are willing to fight till it goes down to zero.
It was raining, but that did not stop them. Armed with posters and beers... they were even escorted by the police to the Government office to continue the demo there.

Not a clear one, it wrote, Bachelor + Master, Big desaster..
This was place a week before, occupied the whole board
Tada.. right in front of my window.

Ideas are free, wo can pay it...
If thats the case, I'm sure everything in this world is free and we work for free. The world turns because we have to pay ideas ok.. Bill Gates idea is worth a million trillion and we still pay.

The Many IFs of Life

We've all been in this deep sea of uncountable ifs. The situation where we do not expect ourselves to be in, be on and about or even close to. But that's why we have if in the first place. To keep us dreaming in a dream of dreams out and far from our un-satisfaction of life...

If I was born rich, I won't have to study
If I was a boy, I'd be much happier
If I won the 4million Euro Lotto, I'll be in paradise

If only I was prettier, or famous
... I own a Jet
... I met the President of the US
... I traveled the world
... I choose a diffrent path in life
... I have friends that won't go
... I had the fountain of youth
... the trees in my garden grew cash according to the strongest currency
If only I had everything

IF ONLY LIFE WAS'NT THIS HARD
Maybe I won't be asking questions to bail myself out of life.

But than again, maybe it is better that I be myself. There must be a purpose right? Somewhere along the road, how I got this far.. How I have lived 21 years of my life. When I'm 60, I would surprise myself that I'm still alive.. Tadaa!! terkejut looking at the mirror. Still, I don't want to be the old man in the movie UP which gave me a teary eye. Alone and sad, many unacheivable ifs, with my Book of Adventure. It was so sad...

Yeah, so what if I always have an excuse for everyting.. It's my daily brain jog... and now its so tired. I'm writing this to cheer myself up after all thats done today, which bear no fruits.

So keep your ifs running..
Mine for today is if I'm a Malaysian student in Malaysia, I would be having dinner outside the norm of my lonely room!! Hainanese Chicken Rice anyone? I'm currentls having sardine with vege as my only option...

Sweet Tooth and Christmas Chocolates

So Christmas here means....

...Winter
...Snow
...Shopping
...Santa
... Pretty Decoratons and Lights
and not forgetting, the most yummy

CHOCOLATES

Its like everywhere!!! At this time of the year, all chocolate and candy manufacturers boosts up there economy in the Chocolate Factory by producing pretty, tempting, chocolaty and sweet Seasonal merchandise... Be it Ferrero, Haribo, Kinder or Lindt. Every brand has their own santa designs.

Football even took its place in the heart of the tooth fairy.. a Bayern Munich Advents Calender.
Its hard not to grab one thats begging you to take it home.

Look at mine.. I accidantly crushed poor 3rd santa cos it was lingering on my floor.. I was too busy for lamb Biryani to clear my room. It was a wreck!
So 3rd santa became broken and flat.. result of my consumption.. *ngamp.ngoumph.ngum* hope its not a few kgs up.

Eh wait, I still have another photo.. for those who have not heard of my kemajuan in technology.. admitting I´m a noob.. meet my new room mate which speaks full Deutsch and has eyes that almost got me juling-ed
Mummy, my new a-month-old PC

Falling Leaves on th Ground

Say hello to the winds of autumn.. =)


Times flies real fast rite? Its so obvious here because time is measured by the changing season. Just a year ago, I could not believe that I´m here and now again its my second autumn. Hope that this season will bring me my winds of change.

Winter is expected to arrive soon enough that soon is almost next week. So get your socks ready for the end of the year!!

What have you achieved this year?

Suicide does not help, Love does.. to Write Love on Her Arms

Today is to write love on her arms day, as a lot of people do not know. So what is to write love on her arms? With its long name, its an organisation to help people who are depressed and suicidal, also those in need of love.

Why do I strongly support this movement and how did I get to know about it? I´ll tell you my story.

About a few months ago, a friend of mine asked me if I could order a t-shirt of this movement for him. I was curious about what it was. At first I thought it was a band of some kind. Than a story was told. It´s a movement to help stop (or decrease) the numbers of those who are suicidal or depressed in our world today. In this ever so fast moving millenium, people are more materialistic and yearn for power rather than being human and have a basis of being human such as loving one another. People struggle, keep quiet and not tell, no connections to the outside human world and deep inside, they are bleeding for who knows what reason. Feeling unloved, rejected, as of a failure to the human race. Than its thier last call... to end everything that is and was. Suicide happens.

So my story today is how my life and this movement goes on the same track...

I was young, a happy child with a family. A mother, a father and a sister. I´ve always thought things are going to always stay that way. A loving family, but with deeps secrets untold. A father who keeps things his way, so does his dark secrets. He was always out without notice and in the early 90´s cellphones was far from popular. In and out, until a day when I never saw him. The last was in a black suite in his dearly wooden home. What would a 5 year old like me know about life and death. Nothing. I was taken out of my kindergarten class to my fathers village where I could´nt count the days that I´ve stayed there. But in my fathers village, he was not in sight. It was more of a festival where all the village people came to give their condolences and I was running happily playing with my cousins. The innocence of a child. The unknown meaning of adults in tears. It only came to me when my uncle was screaming questioning God why his brother had to be gone forever. The first time I shed tears for my late father.

I occured to me that my father was not with us now. Not that I ever knew why or how. During my younger years, me and my sister would rummage old documents to find out the real reason why he went away. We found a report about heart failure. Our conclusion, he died of to much heavy smoking. At the age of 16, i needed proof of death of my father for me to apply a schlorship. My mother went to the bank safe to take it out. I faced reality at that time. It read, suicidal death by drinking pesticede. Of all this years, I never really knew what happened. Now its so real that what I watch in homocide movies could turn out alive. And in my own home.

Life was never easy. We have all struggled at some point, who hasnt. But suicide is not a key to happiness. It is an act of selfishness. Two young children and a single mother. Not forgetting my fathers mounting depths. We hardly had anything to hold onto but faith. I could have given up, my sister and mother could have done the same. But what would it bring us to? More pain and more suffering to those left behind. Like what happened to my family. Its not a smooth road but hey, I´m still here and in flesh. Times I would question if my life could me any different, what positive or maybe negative effects it would bring. Sometimes thinking, maybe suicidal was in my blood and no one could blame me if I did it. All evil would suggest me to do as such, but the stregth of love from people who love me was more than enough to sustain me from such an act. Not forgetting the love of my God that He will always be there for me through all circumstances.

So that was my story, not much but just a preview of what effects suicide has on the victims family. Its not cool to slice up your arms and scarr them up. Ten years down the road, you´ll know how much stupidness you put into it. Suicide and depression is not an "emo" issue nor is it a hollywood screen act. It´s an individual act of suffering and an untold dark story. You never know who is going to take their own life next. The person beside you may look happy today but gone tomorrow.


Love more and lend an ear, also a hand to those around you. You never know you might save a life from the gates of hell.

Read more about the movement at http://www.twloha.com

The All-American Rejects Live in Muenchen

Theater Fabrik on the 24th October year 2009...
The All-American Rejects performed in Muenchen in accordance to their Europe Tour.

While I was back home, they performed during MTV World Stage and thats not only their performance in Malaysia. They did two shows if I'm not mistaken while I'm back home. I did not have the chance to attend any of it. But i guess being in Muenchen was way better. They probably were more open and said stuff they could not in Malaysia.. ngehehee..

Not to forget is that we got to see the so clearly that it almost feels personal. We were on the 1st row next to their equipments.. I was freakingly happy after a wait for more than an hour. They had 2 opening acts.So how does it feel like watching them perform so super close? More than amazing, its almost enchanting..

This band may look young and fun but most of their songs gave me hope for the better. I remember telling Tayung the meaning of the song Move Along was when she was so sick. Telling her that though her condition was bad, she had to move along with her life, to fight cancer, to always be with us. That was one of the last times I've spent with her before she left us. When the band opened with this song, it just hit me that what I've told her was what I should actually do in my own life.

To move along when everything is wrong. Tomorrow is still another day to live.